Book Review #2: Perfect Chemistry

     Book Title: Perfect Chemistry

                Author: Simone Elkeles

               Genre: Young Adult

               Page Count: 357

               Audience: Young Adults (Safe to say it’s mostly for females though)

Ello Ello, Anonymous Reader!

            I’m so sorry for being away but life has been…iffy and I know I owe you a book review but will you please hold onto your undies for just a second? At the moment I don’t feel up to writing. My mood is shot, but, the writing world doesn’t care when you’re not happy. They just want their reading material and that’s just the way it goes. You’re pressed to finish within a certain time frame and if you don’t…you better hope they’ll be kind to you. I’m going to do the book review I owe you anyway and hope I don’t totally blow it. Now, when you feel like a cynical ass wipe you shouldn’t read romance novels or books in which the main character gets something you’ve been longing for. It makes you even more cynical and ass-munchy when you do. The fact that I’m miffed may make me review this book a bit harshly, but everything I say has some justification and I’ll try not to rip it apart. Keyword: TRY. So, without any further hesitation on my part la-di-dah…. Here’s my review on Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles.

First of all, this is what you get from the summary:

“A fresh, urban twist on the classic tale of star-crossed lovers.

 When Brittany Ellis walks into chemistry class on the first day of senior year, she has no clue that her carefully created “perfect” life is about to unravel before her eyes. She’s forced to be lab partners with Alex Fuentes, a gang member from the other side of town, and he is about to threaten everything she's worked so hard for—her flawless reputation, her relationship with her boyfriend, and the secret that her home life is anything but perfect. Alex is a bad boy and he knows it. So when he makes a bet with his friends to lure Brittany into his life, he thinks nothing of it. But soon Alex realizes Brittany is a real person with real problems, and suddenly the bet he made in arrogance turns into something much more.

In a passionate story about looking beneath the surface, Simone Elkeles breaks through the stereotypes and barriers that threaten to keep Brittany and Alex apart.”

When I first got my hands on this book it was back in high school. I used to have a close friend who shared a love of reading with me. We traded books and discussed them like the bookworms we were. The last book she lent me was this one. I remember her words as “It’s kind of cute….” But that’s all I can recall. I was set on reading the book, but then life happened. Graduation came, then college. And sadly the book was put into my infamous green bin of abyss to wait for the day that I cracked it open.      

Not too long ago though, in my Fiction I class, we were watching book trailers and learning how to market ourselves to different audiences. One book trailer we happened upon was the trailer for Rules of Attraction, the second novel after the book Perfect Chemistry.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7aXjXhAtw0&feature=related)

It was the goofiest thing we had seen all day, and trust me; we had also watched the book trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer so we knew goofy. After watching the trailer I remembered the story vaguely and eventually found Perfect Chemistry. After letting my Fiction class know I owned the book (they’re going to be referred to as the Faction from now on) I was told I needed to do a review and sadly I began reading.

Anonymous Reader, do you know what “fan-fiction” is? According to Dictionary.com the definition is this: “a fictional account written by a fan of a show, movie, book, or video game to explore themes and ideas that will not or cannot be explored via the originating medium; also written fan fiction, also called fanfic.” I’m very sad to admit that I have read fan fiction and I bet you know where I’m going with this. You don’t, Anonymous Reader? Let me clarify it for you then. This book reads like an interracial fan fiction written by a woman in her forties that regretted not going for the “Latino stud” back in her day because all of her friends gave her the suggestion that it was a bad idea.

No, I don’t know anything about the author, but I’m allowed to make assumptions, right? Anyway, the book is split up by chapters and each chapter is in the point of view of either Brittany (our “snow girl” from North Fairfield who is trying to put on a perfect facade for her public image) or Alex (our “Latino Blood” from…you guessed it, West Fairfield. Just messing with you, Anonymous Reader. You were right, it was south. Just so happens his family is from south of the border too *chuckle chuckle*.) Now, our lover’s meet in Chemistry class and are assigned to be lab partners. This makes me giggle for a number of reasons. 1.) It reminded of the initial situation that our sparkly vampire had to deal with and 2.) The name of the book is Perfect CHEMISTRY…get it, Anonymous Reader? Isn’t that clever?

But, for a book that claims to have gang members, these gang members remind me of my kitten who chases disabled squirrels. We only get one scene where people are drinking and an assumed scene of drug use. Any other indication of “gang” related actions are told to us instead of shown.

Another thing about those gang members is that they speak Spanish in the book. Now, I don’t have a problem with foreign languages in books, but when you can’t figure out what they’re saying based on context clues it starts to piss some people off. For anyone who doesn’t speak Spanish off the bat, prepare to bring out the Google translator.

Overall, it’s an okay read if you’re just trying to kill time, but don’t be surprised if you find yourself investing your emotions in the supporting characters than in the main characters themselves (My personal favorite was Isa.) Also, you see a lot of stuff coming in those moments when you say to yourself “Of fucking course” (another nifty term from the Faction) because you knew it was going to happen, e.g. the two people that hate each other are forced to work together and fall in love.

There are sequels to this book and will I be reading them? I don’t want to because I have a feeling once you read the first, you’ve read them all, but I may just do it anyway since I’m hard-headed.

           

I give Perfect Chemistry O O O (3 coconuts) since I was actually able to read through the story until the end.

Also, if you wanted to know…they have a rap music video for the book if you want to know more about it…or if you just want a reason to stick a Spork in each of eyes and pour bleach into your ears. Here’s the link to the page on their official website…which is actually pretty well put together.

http://www.perfectchemistrythebook.com/extras.html

Until next time, Anonymous Reader! I’m going to go find a video game review since I owe you one of those for today.

Quote/Event/Insight of the Day: “A good friend knows when to call even though she has no idea you needed her to.” – For my friend Allene who has awesome timing.

I'm a Writer...and what?!

            So staring at a screen with a sty isn’t very comfortable and I feel like I’m sporting a Hunchback of Notre Dame look right now. Tell me I look pretty, Anonymous  Reader! Tell me! I’ve already accepted the fact that I’m going to have to just suck it up so here is today’s blog. According to the schedule I’m supposed to blog about my writing career, the craft of writing, etc. For this blog I’m going to introduce you to the type of writer I am, a little of my writing history, and a little of what I’ve learned throughout life. Let’s start with a history then, shall we?

            I knew I wanted to write when I was in fourth grade. A little early for making those kind of decisions, but it’s really when I first realized that I did have a gift for words. My fourth grade teacher, Ms. Dominique, took me from being a math and science type of girl to being a reading and writing type of girl. I remember she would personally sit with me and talk about books, recommending some and discussing others. She would also talk to me about the techniques of writing and for some reason I absorbed everything she said like a vacuum placed on the floor of a hut (For those reading who are educators and feel like you aren’t impacting your students the way you would like, just know, there is a student among that sea that will carry you with them in their lives. Now, it may be for a positive or negative reason, but at least you taught something that will affect a life.)

            Since then I continued to write and dream. English remained my favorite subject (and still is) and I was published in a couple of collections that featured young writers etc. during middle school. In high school I took part in the yearbook, but that was short lived once I found out that the miniscule writing we did do was very bland and tasteless. I was also published in Teen Ink for some poetry (but what issue, I can’t remember) and submitted a ton of work into the school’s lit mag (Literary Magazine for those who are not English savvy).  I also started my first novel in high school, but eventually dropped the project since my love for the characters and story died. I learned that this just happens sometimes and the only thing you can do is walk away from the project and hope the sparks come back. One day I may pick it back up and decide I can continue, but for now, I think I have better projects in mind.

            Now, when college rolled around I had the idea of becoming an English major, but when I told my mother about this idea her thought was this: “That’s not a real career.” My mother believed that anything that wasn’t “science based” wasn’t a way to make a living. And me being the impressionable and “mother-pleasing” young adult that I was, I walked into the University of South Florida with the goal of getting my bachelors in pre-medicine science. That was short lived.

            My first semester in college included Chemistry. In high school I dreaded chemistry and nothing had changed in college. Sitting in my seat, one of three hundred people filling up the auditorium, I was miserable. The kind of miserable that makes you think about what the hell you’re doing with your life. I couldn’t take it. I didn’t want to study molecules, fission, compounds and atoms. I wanted to study plot, enjambment, character, and penultimate lines (of course I didn’t know much of what those words meant before I started studying, but that’s not the point, Anonymous Reader. The point is I wanted out of Chem Hell!)

            Even though I knew my mom didn’t approve and that a job wasn’t secure (no job in any field is anymore) I changed my major to what I am doing now: English. And you know what, it’s the best decision I could’ve made. To me, being happy is more valuable than having job security.

            So, now I’m a junior waiting for my spring semester to start and I can proudly say I am an English major, concentration on creative writing, with a minor in public health. I know English and public health have no real connections, but I took a liking to the subject and since I was already ruining my future, I decided to just do it.

            My mom has become more understanding of my decision and I think she’s just happy that she has a daughter succeeding in college (sorry, but my sis pulled an epic fail when she tried). Everyone still gives me this weird look after I tell them I’m an English major though. When I see relatives for the first time in month or years they always ask “What are you studying?” When I say “English” I might as well say “Giving awesome blowjobs” because they always look at me like something has gone wrong with my brain. I’ve gotten used to it though. One day I’ll have a book published and I’ll throw a copy at each of their smug Spanish faces (haven’t decided if it will be a translated version or not)  to show them that I did make the right decision and that even though they didn’t offer their support, I didn’t need it to begin with.

            That’s my experience so far really. I want to start submitting my work to Lit Mags, but I’m always worried that a piece isn’t ready or at its prime. I’m still learning, but I think it’s about time I take the chances.

            If you’re wondering what kind of stuff I write, that’s a good question. I don’t have a set genre that I write or anything. Ultimately, I write what I want whether it be memoir, fantasy, YA (young adult), or erotica (yes, I’ve played with writing erotica, what of it Anonymous Reader?). I also write poetry, critiques (as you have experienced, hopefully) and short stories. Basically, ANYTHING I WANT.

When I get publish somewhere, you will definitely be told, Anonymous Reader. Hopefully by then I’ll have a pretty decent following and maybe I’ll gain some more after getting my work out there. Writing is a 24/7 job. One that requires you to read and write everyday so that you can grow. It’s hard to accomplish when you have work, school, and a life to think of, but it’s not impossible. While I’m at work I’m constantly thinking about story ideas, where to take my current story, what I want to read when I get home, what will happen next in a book, etc. Being a writer doesn’t just mean you put words on page. It means that every day you are surrounded by the craft in some way or another and that you have a message you want others to hear.

I think I’m done for today since my eye is now watering in pain from having to stare at a screen once again. I hope you got to know me a little more though and this won’t be the last time you’ll be hearing about the craft of writing. One day, you too will realize that English is EVERYWHERE. Scary idea right?

Well I’m off to rest my eye before work. See ya later, Anonymous Reader.

                                  ~The Ink Eater

Quote/Event/Insight of the day:

           Aunt: “You made your (ear) gauges bigger! I know you did, I’m not stupid. You

                       shouldn’t do tha.t”

Me: Goes and checks the package of the gauges. “Just what I thought. These  

       are the same size gauges I’ve been wearing for SIX MONTHS…thanks for  

       proving you’re stupid Auntie.”

(She says this EVERYTIME she sees me. If I did stretch my ear for every time  

  she repeated this nonsense I’d be able to fit a coconut through my lobe.)

Random Review #1: Yahtzee

Did you miss me yesterday, Anonymous Reader? I bet you did (I hope, I really hope.) Well I’m back and today is Wednesday. Do you know what that means? Random Review! Now, since I didn’t get any suggestions for this week’s random review I chose something myself. I decided to review a reviewer! Hah! I’m breaking the rules of reviewing and I don’t care! (If there are any rules, I failed to get the rule book and thus I blame every other reviewer for not lending me their copy).

So, who am I reviewing this evening? Well the reviewer I will be reviewing is a man by the name of Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw who critiques video games for escapistmagazine.com (Here’s the direct link to Yahtzee’s archive of reviews: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation ). I stumbled across these with help from my good friend Tony. I guess you could say I didn’t really stumble upon them since he did say “Hey, check this out!” and then gave me a link.

This is a great literal translation of what he does to games.

Each critique is done in a video that is about five minutes long and is filled with simple cartoons to match whatever Yahtzee is saying. You can always tell which little character is Yahtzee thanks to the distinct hat it’s always wearing.

Now, his reviews are called “Zero Punctuation” for a reason. Yahtzee never seems to take a chance to breathe within those five minutes and everything seems like a run-on sentence of itself. See that right there, Anonymous Reader? That sentence was longer than intended because I’m starting to hear Yahtzee in my brain. It’s a distinct style that I can’t say I’ve ever heard before and adds to the humor of Yahtzee’s wit and accent. Yes, I think Yahtzee’s accent is something that adds to his humor because we all think that people who sound different are quirky. Get over yourself; I don’t care if I just sounded like an ass.

In each video, Yahtzee goes over a game he’s recently played stating a bit about the plot, gameplay, etc. After that, he does what everyone goes to him for:  a good ass-riding of whatever sorry video game he got his hands on.  If you SERIOUSLY love a game and find it in his archive, here’s a warning: he is about to tear it up. Watch at your own cost. In all honestly, no one wants to hear someone praise a game. They want to know what the fuck is wrong with it and Yahtzee is like Moses in this department.

You can't even SEE the Wedding Cake behind the Jelly Beans!

While he doesn’t hold back when insulting a game, I would still recommend watching each of Yahtzee’s videos. They’re just too good to pass up! If you’re a little sensitive about your favorite games being ripped on (I’m not one of those people, I had no problem laughing as Yahtzee pointed out every flaw of Assassin’s Creed) then I suggest sucking it up and realizing that he is just one person (as in HUMAN BEING) who is just stating his opinion. No one is saying you have to accept his opinion as the final judgment, but his experience and witty metaphors do make him a good source if you want to know what a video game is like and what the potential flaws are.

Get your panties out of your ass cause I’m giving Yahtzee O O O O O (5 coconuts) for being unique, honest with his opinion, and having an awesome accent.

Today was kind of short for what I usually do but at the moment I have a sty (sp?) and my eye is annoying the crap out of me. Hope you could enjoy the bit of scattered information I gave and I will see you tomorrow when I tell you about my life as a writer. Until then, Anonymous Reader.

                                                 ~The Ink Eater

Quote/Event/Insight of the day: "I lost the door!" -BF playing Assassin's Creed

Aspirations (By Sirius)

        So I was wondering what I should write tonight but couldn't think of anything particularly important that I needed to get out...I was also feeling a bit lazy but that's not the point. I decided to get one of my good friends to do a guest blog since he had said something about being interested in helping me out with this little project. Now, he has always been someone I go to get advice from, not only with writing, but in life. He has always given me the best answers he can give and isn't afraid to brutally slap me across the face with the truth if its something he knows I need. For this reason, I trust him enough to be my editor for this blog and to write whatever he so chooses to write when he's guest blogging. He may be young, but I've always seen him as an old soul and I hope you enjoy reading his work as much as I have for the past...I think it's four years now...holy shit...that's a long time. Anyway, here is my good friend Sy with whatever it is he is about to talk about. . .have fun, Anonymous Reader.


                                            ~The Ink Eater

Quote/Event/Insight of the day: "You won't even be able to SEE the wedding cake behind the jelly beans!"
______________________

      Hello, Anonymous Reader! My name is Sirius, but The Ink Eater calls me Sy after one of my characters. I'm her guest writer today (even though it's Tuesday, not Saturday) and one of her more... intelligent friends. (Any of her friends reading this: that's my opinion, not her statement. Suck it.)

I'm writing today on aspirations, and what it means to really strive for something. Read the following list of things and see if you can name the thread connecting them:
-Animation
-Digital Art
-YouTube
-Video Games
-Prose
-Poetry
-Drawings and Sketches
-Political Activism
-Music

Do you think you know what it is? That's a trick question, because there are two of them: creativity and me. I'm currently am or have been involved in all of these things in one way or another--and I just turned eighteen a few months ago.

I truly believe that there is nothing that cannot be done in this world. We are literally capable of anything. We could sprout wings and fly if enough geneticists got on the job. (The real question is what SHOULD be done, but that's a topic for another post.)

I have tried my hand at all of these things and found myself moderately successful in them all, at least at a beginner level. There is not a single area listed above I do not see a potential for growth, in myself, my skills and techniques. And I'm not some superhuman, either.

Anyone can do this. Don't get discouraged at beginning setbacks--I have and I regret it, because I know it isn't necessary. I could have been an expert guitarist if I kept at it, but I dropped it years ago. Now, I'm still doing it--discouraging myself. I'm worried I'm running out of time to learn before I have to get a career and a family and my exploration time will be gone.

I call bullshit on myself, and you should too. Kick your own ass into doing what it is YOU WANT TO DO. I've had friends who have tried to write, draw, play music; when the setbacks come, they stopped. I annoyed them into continuing, and now I'm pleased to say my closest friends are the best writers and artists I know.

Get a mentor, too. Don't try to teach yourself. I learned how to write by writing against my friend Charlene, who did and may still surpass my abilities in every way. Get yourself a music teacher if you can afford it--if you can't, I'm sure you know SOMEONE musically talented. Draw something small every day and get feedback where you can.

I'm probably not going to succeed at everything listed above.It's highly unrealistic that anyone succeeds at everything. But I want it to. I aspire for it; I ache for it. I want to be the next Michelangelo, the next Rowling, and the next Beethoven all in one. And because I want it, and because I know it's possible to be the next great artist, magic will happen. I won't succeed at everything, but I refuse to fail at anything. Succeeding once is enough... You can too. Aspire to be great, and you will be.

"It was the man's dream, and his inspiring attempt to make them come true that remain important." Francis Ford Coppola


-Sirius

Sirius' Deviantart: http://rayvenworks.deviantart.com/

Sirius' YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/rayvenworks

Assassin's Creed Revelations Review

Hello Anonymous Reader! Today is the first video game review! Are you just as excited as me? Did you wet your pants in your sleep waiting for this? No? I guess it was just me then. . . ANYWAY, today I’m doing a review on one of my favorite video game series: Assassin’s Creed. To be more specific, I’m reviewing their latest release: Assassin’s Creed Revelations. To give you a little background on how much I love the game I’m going to show you something. . .

Thanks for the picture, Claire!

That is a class photo drawn by a very talented member of said class. Now, with the new information I just gave you. . . .Can you spot me? Having trouble?

                                                        Having trouble now?!

Altair and Ezio would be proud

 Yes, I’m the little assassin girl in the middle…I have a love for the Creed and I’m not afraid to show it. That being said, I bet you're thinking I’m going to continue worshipping the game on my knees and tell you that everything about Revelations is amazing. You thought WRONG, Anonymous Reader. That’s not a review at all! This is…

            When I popped in Assassin’s Creed: Revelations I was giddy in my seat waiting to see how the story continues. While playing, I began to keep a subconscious list of things that had changed and things that had stayed the same in comparison to Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, the game that precedes AC Revelations. Some things I agreed with and some things I didn’t …Le gasp, right? So, to make this easy for everybody, I’m going to basically set up this review in a list format and blah blah blah, let’s do this already…

                

                           Assassin's Creed: Revelations:      

        Ezio is still sexy. As. hell. For someone in his fifties, he’s got game. (I’m sorry that my fan girl got out. Don’t worry. I’m putting her back into her cage and keeping her there.)

          If you played Brotherhood, or any of the Assassin’s Creeds, you know that the graphics are pretty spiffy and the views  are like artwork. While I do miss Italy and think they did a better job portaying it, the scenery of Constantinople is not that bad The textures, colors, and overall landscapes are some of the best I've seen and climbing to an extremely high spot is still worth it for the view. Try not to fall though. . .

               Guess what…you are still responsible for building up a city in the same way you established Rome, etc. You have to buy the different shops and once you do, you get revenue from said shop. You also gain notoriety each time you buy a shop which turns out to be a total pain in the ass but I’m waiting for that one point in the game where I look at my money, see that I have a ridiculous amount, and then notice I have nothing left I can buy. . .It was something that inevitably happened in Brotherhood and is definitely going to happen in Revelations, at a faster pace. And here’s why:

              Remember the group of assassins you get to recruit in Brotherhood? They’re back, but there’s a little twist to them this time. I remember, while playing brotherhood, the only reason I would send my Assassin’s out on missions would be to level them up. After they were maxed out, I’d send them for the money. After I was the richest man in all of Italy…I had no reason to send them out anymore and kept my entourage around for when I felt lazy. In Revelations however, there’s a better reason to constantly dish out your army to help foreign cities. Each city has a percent by their name that indicates the Templars (they’re back too!) control. All of these start out at 100, but with each mission you do for a city, the percent goes down until you see the wording change to something like “assassin’s presence”. When this happens, you not only get revenue from said city, but also supplies for your bomb creations. Now you can see the influence you have on these cities compared to just praying that a list of missions will eventually disappear.

      This time around your Assassin’s still have levels, but each level is given a nifty name (like warrior) until they reach the level where they can deem themselves Assassin’s. After that, they can still be leveled up to reach the goal of Master Assassin. If they’re all your apprentices though…what does that make you? Supreme Overlord of Assassin Kick Assery? Anyways, when your assassin is ready, you can actually go on missions with that Assassin personally! Your assassin crew is no longer just random faces you see, but people you actually interact with! Once the mission is complete, you do have the option of making that assassin a master of a den to help protect it. What’s a den you ask, anonymous reader? I was getting to that.

                 In AC Brotherhood you are given the task of taking down the Borgia towers so that the Templars are not in control of a region. You have to take down the leader and blow up the tower. Now, take that and turn tower into den. You’ve got a Templar den. It’s the same basic principal as the Borgia towers, but for some odd reason the dens seem easier to take down then the towers. There is a twist to this too though: the Templars (my computer is automatically making Templars capital….They’re watching me!)  can take the dens back and you’re going to learn to either love or immensely hate this. When a den is being attacked by the Templars you have to go back to said den, fight all the Templars there, then, walk into the den and trigger the new den protecting game. I like to think of this as Plants vs. Zombies, but with hidden blades and white coats. The game is basically setting up different assassins and barricades to keep the Templars from reaching the den. Easy enough, right? WRONG. You have what they call “Morale points” and each type of assassin and barricade costs a certain amount of these “Morale points” but the only way to get “Morale points” is to kill off the Templars. It’s something that takes getting used to since the camera and controls are a little akward to use. Now, what happens if you lose the mini game and the Templars win? They gain control over the den once more and all you have to do is do what you initially did to get it back: kill leader, light the beacon, done! I’m beginning to question if playing the mini is even worth doing. While it’s fun, it’s seriously a lot easier to just let them take it and then hand them a slice of karma.

                 Now I know you’re itching to hear about the new bomb crafting stations or the hook blade, but before I get to those I want to go over some smaller stuff. Something new that’s been added to the game is hired Templar assassins that go after YOU. They pop up randomly from behind and you’re given about five seconds to stop them before they take half of your life. Now, you think they would tell you what button to press to do so, but I’m either blind or ridic stupid because I saw it nowhere and was stabbed every time until I finally hit the “B” button (I play an xbox360, woot woot!) and killed him. Thanks Ubisoft for making this a learning experience. When you do kill him, here’s a piece of advice: rob his ass. They usually have more money on them than the average pedestrian since they were HIRED (also, rob any den leaders or anyone that looks important too, this really helps in the beginning of the game when you’ve yet to establish the city). It’s also like a “fuck you” to the Templars. You steal the money they used to kill you. Fun stuff, right?

       One thing we all know and love about the Assassin’s Creed series is that there are feathers to find. Throughout the game you know you have to keep a look out for these and they’ve become a part of the assassin way. Revelations does not have feathers *EPIC SAD FACE*. If you didn’t like looking for feathers, don’t get too happy. Instead of feathers and flags they have books, animus pieces, and diary pages that you must find. Either way, you’re looking for shit so hah! Personally I think the feathers should have stayed as a constant throughout the games. They could change the entire gameplay, but at least we knew we would have our feathers. Why Ubisoft! Why?!

     If you liked riding your horse in the past Creed games, prepare to cry. There are no horses to call at whim to save you form a hoard of Templars. NONE. Not even the Templars have horses that you can steal. This means that your only way of long distance travel is by foot or by tunnel (yes, they still have tunnels, thank goodness). With the new addition of the hook blade though, you can now zip line like Batman, but…there aren’t as many zip lines as I hoped for.

                 Bomb crafting is one new aspect that I don't seem to find a problem with. You have bombs with different purposes, like causing distractions, and within that you have different combinations of ingredients to get the right type of bomb for you. I personally like to carry bombs that break on contact (since you can actually aim and hit guards with them) and my favorite is the distraction bomb filled with Lamb’s blood . . . muhahaha. Stations to build bombs are located throughout the city next to the pigeon coops, where you send your assassins out on missions, or in the dens. Here’s a word of advice when it comes to obtaining ingredients. DON’T BUY ANY. Usually you ‘ll find a lot of ingredients in chests that you open, but you can also loot the Templars you kill and they always have some kind of bomb ingredient on them. If you buy anything to build a bomb, the only justified items would be the sticky shell or the tripwire shell since those are a lot harder to come by. Also, like I mentioned before, you do get bomb ingredients regularly from the cities you have helped with your assassins. While some say this aspect didn't need to be in the game at all, I like that we have a couple of options on how to approach a mission and I've been taking full advantage of my bombs just to say how they roll in the situation.

             One of the biggest hypes about Revelations is the addition of the “hook blade”. Yes, you can still do double kills, etc., but now you can zip-line, throw guards on the ground, scale buildings that seem to have impossibly high ledges, and trip people. You heard me right. You can trip people now. Out of all the functions the hook blade can do, my favorite is just running up to a random victim and making them fall flat on their face. This tripping action is required in a quest or two but if you’re bored for whatever reason, I suggest seeing how many people you can trip within ten seconds, you’d be surprise if you happen to do it in a large group.

                The final thing I want to go over is Desmond and his Animus Adventure Time. No, they’re not actually called that but I didn’t know what else to say. I mentioned earlier that you have to collect these little balls of white light known as Animus fragments. When you get a certain amount of these Animus Fragments, you exit   out of Ezio’s DNA sequence and as Desmond, in the Animus, you run to one of six (I just guessed right there…I forgot how many there were) mysterious gates that requires a certain amount of fragments to enter. When you go in you begin to play as Desmond in a first person view. At that moment, when I saw that it was in first person, I knew I was going to have a problem with this. Right now I’m thinking of a way to describe what you do as Desmond stuck in the Animus, but there really no words for it. The closest thing I can think of to describe it is “it’s like playing Tetris with a Portal gun”. This is the first time this gameplay has been seen in the Creed series and I wish it would have never appeared. I still don’t get the point of it, but when I reach the end, there better be one. Just saying. Personally, this is the one thing that bothers me the most out of EVERYTHING in the game.

          I know this is a lot to take in, and I’m sorry, Anonymous Reader. I really didn’t mean to make it this long, but oh well…I just wanted to make sure I was thorough--and now you know a bit of what you’re getting yourself into when you play the game.

     My overall rating for Revelations: O O O O C (4.5 coconuts)          

           

            So, tomorrow is Tuesday and that means *checks the schedule*  Oh…that’s the day I couldn’t think of anything to write about, hmmm…I may do a piece about where I work but I’m not sure. I’ll see how I feel tomorrow. Until then, Anonymous Reader.

                                              ~ The Ink Eater

 Quote/Event/Thought of the day: “I promise to be the very best, that no one ever was, since catching them is my real test, to train them is my cause.” --The Best Pokemon Theme Song Ever

           

Church's Chicken Hoax

           According to my blogging schedule I’m supposed to have a guest blogger, but until I get that sorted out I thought I’d just post about something peculiar that happened today: my mother and grandmother’s trip to “Church’s Chicken”.

*Not the location my mom went to

Now the location they went to had been closed for a while, but when my mom and grandma saw people inside, etc. they decided that they’d stop in and grab something for the family to eat. Inside, they ordered like they normally would and the people got to work making the chicken. They said nothing about not actually being employed by Church’s until AFTER my mom had paid.  

            She expected the employees to hand her the colorful boxes that Church’s food normally came in, but when she received multiple white styrofoam  boxes, she asked what was up. They then informed her that they were using the Church’s location but were “another company”. I do believe they failed to say what company it was exactly. “It’s not fried chicken’ r’ us” is my guess.

            That being said, they still had the Church’s sign, window advertisements, and menu all in place and being used. I do believe that if the Church’s company knew about this, they wouldn’t allow it.

One of three boxes given to my mom

            Now, squatters’ pretending to be a major food chain is one thing, but, potentially making someone sick is another. When my mom and grandma arrived home they told us their colorful tale and showed us what was in the boxes. Ta-dah! Yummy right?

Looks like a deep fried heart

 I didn’t trust the food and neither did grandma but she hadn’t had time to cook anything so this was it. Some of the pieces looked down right burnt, but the others looked okay… on the outside. Out of being curious (and being an ass) I asked if the chicken was even cooked properly. My grandma said “Let’s find out” and began slicing away at the chicken. What we found was not only disgusting, but disturbing.

Finger-lickin good

            THE CHICKEN WAS STILL RAW. Now, my grandma has been in a kitchen since she was a young teen and I’ve dabbled a bit with cooking chicken before, so, when the meat began to bleed, we knew we had problems. Grandma, being amazing as she always is, cut the chicken up and refried everything to make sure it was actually edible this time. While she did this I wondered how many people had been served this same undercooked chicken and if any of them knew any better to know that this was not safe. Its one thing for your steak to be medium rare, but your chicken should never be.

            Grandma deemed the chicken safe and I still eyed it before giving into my bear of a stomach. I hadn’t eaten anything prior to this and I could feel the acid and bile rise in my throat, begging for some morsel to disintegrate.  Before walking away though, grandma put the blue cheese and ranch dressings in front of me. “You’re going to need one” she said, “The chicken is flavorless.”

Why does this chicken look like hush puppies?

            I ended up having blue cheese with chicken and I bet you are screaming at your comp saying “WHY THE FLIP DID YOU EAT THAT?!” and while I would love to give you a reasonable answer anonymous reader…I can’t. I took a risk and it ate cause 1.) I was hungry and 2.) I trust my abuelita enough to eat sketchy chicken.

            I’m happy to say that I’m doing okay and I have yet to experience any sort of vomiting or diarrhea, honestly, I thought I’d have both by now. If anything does occur however, I’ll let you know, anonymous reader, so that when I disappear it’ll be because I’m either suing the shit out of those people or...I’m dead. Let’s hope for the first option.  

            If you happen to know how I can reach Church’s Chicken or if you find a way to get this blog article to them, let me know. I would like to get those people shut down not only because they could potentially send someone to the hospital, but also because they messed with my mom and grandma and no one messes with my gram gram….NO ONE.

            I’ll catch you on the flip side then, anonymous reader.

                            ~The Ink Eater

Quote/Event/Thought of the Day: “Illiteracy is a hereditary trait of the ghetto…” – Coworker

Book Review #1: Dark Lover

Book Title: Dark Lover:
         A Novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood

            Author: J.R. Ward

            Genre: Paranormal Romance/ Urban Fantasy

            Page Count: 393 (actual story, w/ glossary)

            Word Count: Couldn’t find it anywhere

            Audience: Adults (or so they say)

           

So for my first book review EVER I decided to do a book that I’ve read multiple times throughout the years. While I do consider this one of my favorite books (and series) that doesn’t mean I think it’s perfect and I won’t be completely praising and preaching this book either.

The Book is Dark Lover, the first novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. On the back of the book you get this as your description:

            “In the shadows of the night in Caldwell, New York, there's a deadly turf war going on between vampires and their slayers. There also exists a secret band of brothers like no other - six vampire warriors, defenders of their race. Among them, none relishes killing their enemies more than Wrath, the leader of the Black Dagger Brotherhood...

The only purebred vampire left on the planet, Wrath has a score to settle with the slayers who murdered his parents centuries ago. But when one of his most trusted fighters is killed- orphaning a half-breed daughter unaware of her heritage or her fate - Wrath must usher the beautiful female into the world of the undead…

Racked by a restlessness in her body that wasn't there before, Beth Randall is helpless against the dangerously sexy man who comes to her at night with shadows in his eyes. His tales of brotherhood and blood frighten her. But his touch ignites a dawning hunger that threatens to consume them both…”

So yes, basically the story is about a group of buff, sexy beyond comprehension, vampire warriors that fight against a group called “Lessers.” Lessers, as stated in the glossery, are basically de-souled humans who are a part of the “Lessening Society.”  I won’t get into too many specifics since I’m here to review, not give you a summary of the story, but, I just would like to point out that these “Lessers” smell like baby powder and when I read this little fact I was relieved that someone else out there hates the smell of baby powder just as much as I do. Honestly, if evil had a smell it would be baby powder. My kids are screwed if they think they’re getting any in their diaper. What’s the worse that can happen in I don’t? Chafing? They’ll thank me in the long run.

Now, this novel, and all of the other novels in this series, is written in multiple point-of-views. Naturally, you get the p.o.v. of the sexy vampire warrior and then the p.o.v. of the heroine of the story (who is also amazingly beautiful) and this is usually the case when you get to hear a story from more than one person’s mind, but this book doesn’t limit the story to just the two leading characters. You also get point-of-views from supporting characters like the rest of the brothers, etc. (many of which end up having their own novel) but, what struck me the most is that we get the p.o.v. of the villians, the “Lessers”. We get to see the actions and mindset of the characters we are supposed to grow to hate, and honestly, most stories don’t let you have that option.

If you don’t read the Lesser p.o.v. sections (something that I’ve done after I initially read the story) it really won’t hurt the plot of the story, but you could miss some details that would add to the suspense/ thrill of the book. You’re sometimes given information that the lead roles know nothing about and the entire time you’re screaming “NO! DON’T DO IT! THEY’RE WAITING FOR YOU.” But of course, it happens anyway and you’re rushing through the words to make sure your new fictional crush is okay. Sometimes the parts where you are plunged to the world of Lessers is actually quite interesting, especially when they go into the initiation ceremony, but more times than most, you have to trudge through these sections just so you can get back to what you want to read: HOT VAMPIRE SEX.

Yes my friends, this book is full of steamy vampire sex that could easily rival any erotica out there. Is it necessary for the plot? Eh, that can be argued. Is it fun to read? Why of course it is! Who doesn’t want to hear about a tall, dark, and handsome vamp “mounting” a female as she “blooms” for him? Yes, the book actually says “Her core bloomed for him.” (pg. 62 if you're curious) And while I’ll admit I’ve read some pretty bad erotica ,that is one of the FUNNIEST ways to say “she got wet.”  Personally, I’m pretty flipping tired of vaginas being compared to flowers. IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ONE, TRUST ME. For those of you who DO think it looks like a flower. . . avoid sending me any, I’m afraid of what might be in that crinkly plastic paper with the name card.

If you’re not a big fan of reading the “down and dirty”, I would still recommend this book. It actually has a very decent overall plot and the sub-plots are pretty spiffy too. Did I mention there are action scenes to supplement the sex scenes? There are. And for someone who isn’t too into the whole “Action” genre, I actually enjoy reading these parts. The fight scenes aren’t too hard to keep up with if you don’t know much about fighting and you get as invested in these scenes as you would the sex scenes. If you really don’t know anything, like what a Hira Shuriken is, it’s not hard to google a term. If you don’t’ have a way to google while you’re reading, don’t fret. Eventually Ward will explain what it is in simple terms, a throwing star, and you’ll be saved from being left clueless.

Overall, Ward manages to balance love/romance with action/fighting in a way that doesn’t have one overpower the other.  I would highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys the urban fantasy genre and a good vampire tale. No sparkly vampires here, thank god. Also, if you’re worried that these vampires are too “perfect” and without problems, think again. These vampires have more issues than a drug dealer addicted to his own product and while they may have astonishing looks, they don’t have everything as you’ll soon find out if you read the books.

Although there is some use of adverbs (usually anything ending with –ly like softly, roughly, wtc. ), which I’ve been taught to avoid like the plague, the writing style is pretty clean and straight forward. You don’t have to constantly re-read to understand and the less time wasted in this aspect means more time for ranchy time!

My rating for Dark Lover by J.R. Ward is: O O O O C (4.5 coconuts)

That’s all for now folks! I’m gonna try to post these a little earlier and tomorrow I’ll be going through ALL of my books to catalogue them on Librarything.com. That’s gonna be a pain in my fluffy ass, but it’ll be worth it in the long. Until next time, Anonymous reader!

                                ~The Ink Eater

Quote/Event/Thought of the Day: “This job makes you a horrible person…or just a whore.” – Co-worker

Let's hope I don't fail at blogging a second time...

             Now, this is my second attempt at blogging and it’s pretty safe to say that I still have no idea what exactly I’m doing. My first attempt was, sadly, very short lived thanks to getting a job and being in school. Did I mention that I also lost my original blog? That might be worth mentioning but let’s not dwell on that too much. Let’s just say the minute I realized I had forgotten my password I knew no amount of googling would help me find my long lost bloggy.

            After that traumatic event I vowed I would never replace my beloved bloggy, but I got over that pretty quick and after much coaxing from fellow classmates ( and deciding to get off my lazy ass since school is out) I have now come back with high hopes of doing things right this time. Actually, I would just like things to get DONE this time. It’d be a step up from my last attempt.

            My last blog was just random writing hodge podge about my life and blah blah blah, but this time I’ve actually come here with a purpose or two. I plan on using this blog to do book reviews, video game reviews, document the life of being an unknown writer hoping for Twilight-esque fame, and finally to write whatever other bullspit I can get down that you might actually read (If you’re reading this now…I love you, anonymous reader.)

            Sooooo….I bet your itching in your pants to know what days I will be doing what and while I would like to say that I thought about this thoroughly, I haven’t.  Right now, at this moment, this is what you can be expecting:

Sun – Nothing because God wanted it this way, but somehow I will still be at work. Woo!

Mon – Let’s start off the work week with Video Games!

Tues- Umm…..blarg? Sad that it’s only Tuesday and I’m out of ideas…

Wed – Random Review! This is when I’ll review something random and pointless just for funsies. I’ll probably take suggestions, so, get your thinking cap on anonymous reader.

 Thurs – I can’t think of anything so I’ve decided to make this the day that I talk about the novel I’m currently writing…or anything else I happen to be writing that I feel needs some attention.

Fri – Book Review Day! Where, believe it or not, I will review a book! Made of paper!

Sat – I have some people who are interested in helping out with this blog so I was thinking of having “guest bloggers” on this day. I know some pretty spiffy people.

Sun- And I just noticed I listed Sunday twice…bet you didn’t realize it at first either.

I can’t say this is set in stone, but I’m going to try to stick to some kind of schedule thingy so that you know what to expect. Or I may just write whatever the flip I want since I’m the author and I have the power to do so.

I will try to do at least one book review and one video game review a week, but if I fail (I usually do) I will try it make up for it. That being said, when you read one of my reviews you can expect to hear me say some stuff that I think worked in the game/book, didn’t work, found pointless, didn’t get, etc. It’s a review for a reason anonymous reader. I have no reason to lie to you though, honestly I don’t, so whatever I say is my honest opinion whether you agree with it or not. If you don’t, I’ll still love you…as long as you don’t flame me. That’s when my affection towards your cute reader face may falter. Let’s keep things friendly, shall we?

 At the end of each review I’ll give whatever I’m reviewing an overall rating. These will be called “coconuts” and the max number of coconuts something can get is 5. So, something that gets three coconuts will appear as so: O O O. I will try to avoid giving out anything that is a fraction since I can’t seem to find anything on my keyboard that looks like half an “O”. A “C” kinda looks like three-fourths of one though…

               I’ve talked your ear off enough…or typed I guess, so I’m gonna go now and figure out which book I want to review for tomorrow…If I go with what I’m thinking about doing be prepared to read about ranchy (see below) vampire sex…and no, it’s NOT TWILIGHT…Sheesh anonymous reader, can’t you stop thinking about twilight for five minutes?!

                                                   ~The Ink Eater

If you're wondering about the term "ranchy" then here's an explanation. I can no longer say "raunchy" thanks to my fiction class and thus the term that replaces it is "Ranchy". If you have a problem with that I suggest you take it up with the Fiction Faction, but I would show some caution in doing so because they do have a tendency of getting off subject and drawing unicorns with rainbow farts...You have been warned.

Quote/Event/Thought of the Day: “Copy/Paste from Word to Blogster does NOT work nicely."